Wait, Don't Wait
by musefatale
Summary: Bella/Edward. Edward battles with himself over whether he should or should not take Bella before the wedding. Which side of this man’s mind holds the greater sway over him, the mind or the body? Written in 2007.


**Title:** Wait/Don't Wait  
**Rating:** NC-17  
**Warnings:** Bad attempt at explaining vampire physiology, safe sex, oral sex, uhm… it's pretty vanilla actually.  
**Summary:** Edward battles with himself over whether he should or should not take Bella before the wedding. Which side of this man's mind holds the greater sway over him, the mind or the body?  
**Notes:** I am notoriously bad at coming up with titles, so I should just tell you that the title is a reference to Edward's inability to decide when he should consummate his relationship with Bella. Lame, yes, I know. Also, I tried to get the dialogue as close to cannon as I possibly could and I hope I did a good job! Also, forgive me if the vampire venom is described somewhere in the books and I totally missed it. I also hope you enjoy this, choosetodream, as much as I enjoyed writing it. br br

**Wait/Don't Wait**

With mere weeks left until their wedding, and Alice in full planning mode, Edward had thought that all of the drama about he and Bella consummating their relationship early had faded away. But the idea was in his head now, and he couldn't get it out. It was like an ever-present whisper, the thought; a voice constantly telling him why he should, reminding him to his desire to, and battling with his own conscience not to. He knew how possible it was to hurt her as well as the likelihood of loosing his control over himself. How would that look, the bride ending up dead? There would be a funeral instead of a wedding, two if Edward had his way about it. No, he couldn't let himself do that to her.

But…

He was proud of the control he had over his body, his ability to sense its responses. Even with his lightening-fast reflexes, he could still predict when his body would behave itself and when it wouldn't. He had tested his control around her many times already, kept his hunger and desire for her well hidden from the surface. He could very nearly see what a person would do before they did it, predict their moves and compensate.

But…

She was different; she was like nothing he had ever come upon before. He couldn't gauge her reactions as he could everyone else's. It was dangerous to be with her like that until he knew that it was impossible to hurt her. He had to be able to control this, if nothing else.

But…

He wanted her so badly, he positively i needed /i her. If he thought for a moment that it was possible to die again he would know that he would die without her. It was absolutely agonizing knowing that she wanted him like that and knowing that he had to tell her no. Did he remember ever feeling like this before, for any other girl? No, no he didn't think so…

It was useless, Edward thought, useless to be arguing with himself like this. Groaning and rubbing his hand across his face, he got up from where he was slumped on the sofa in the family room of the Cullen's living room. He paced the room a couple of times, anxiously, trying to figure out a way to work out the frustration that plagued him. Wasn't this all supposed to be a hormonal thing? Wasn't he simply not supposed to have hormones anymore? It was all so aggravating. He was certain if she asked him in this state he could not refuse her once more. He only hoped that he would have time to cool down before that happened. Cool down, he chuckled to himself, as if he could get any colder.

Edward started towards the front door of the house, prepared to take a run. He pulled open the door, starting out onto the landing when his eyes opened and he saw her, in all her pale, smiling beauty and he thought his heart started to beat again for a moment.

"Dammit!" Edward groaned again, throwing his hands up and spinning back around, taking three hastened steps towards the stairway.

Bella was standing with her hand up as well, but hers in a position to start knocking on the front door.

"Well, I was about to say that I thought you couldn't read my mind, but it looks like you weren't expecting me at all," Bella said the smile quickly draining from her face. "What's wrong?"

Edward slumped on the stairs, his head in his hands for a brief moment before he brushed them through his hair and sighed deeply. "Just a little… anxious, that's all."

"Anxious?" Bella asked, closing the door behind her and walking over towards him. She sat down on the stairs next to him and rested her hand on his knee.

"Yes, but it's nothing to worry about,"

"I don't really believe that."

"I'm not allowed to have pre-wedding jitters?" Edward asked, glancing down at the stair between his feet.

He could feel Bella tense a little next to him, and was quick to turn and comfort her – placing his hands on top of hers.

"Not like that," he assured her, "not about getting married, Bella my love – about the wedding itself. All your family, my family, friends from school… all together at once, you can see why I'm a little uneasy," he lied.

Of course he wouldn't tell her the real reason – that would be unfair if she had made her decision to wait. She was always so quick to try to please him, and if she thought he wanted this there was no doubt that she would offer herself to him.

Bella turned her hands over so the warmth of her palms touched the cold of his. She looked up into his topaz eyes and gave him a soft reassuring smile. Edward returned her smile, but it didn't reach all the way up into his eyes. She was a more than a little concerned, and understandably so. He was often difficult for her to read, even though she knew him so well. There was something wrong, and the fact that he wouldn't tell her exactly what it was made her nervous.

"Edward, will you promise me something?" she asked.

"Yes, of course, anything."

"You'll tell me what's really wrong…"

Edward sighed, slipping his fingers between hers and holding tightly to her hands. He stared at her – opening his mouth and closing it again in an attempt to say something that wouldn't quite make it out of his mouth. Finally he closed his eyes and swallowed thickly.

"I've told you already, Bella, how badly I want you… it's just getting harder for me to resist you, and I'm starting to forget why I was trying to resist you in the first place."

Bella thought for a moment she had seen him blush before he looked away from her. She slipped her hands from his and placed her hands at his cheeks, lifting his head so his eyes met hers. "Oh Edward," she gushed, "that's such a silly thing to be worried about!"

"Silly?" he asked, putting his hands on hers and bringing them back down to his lap. "Bella, we've been over this, we can't… I can't… I won't hurt you."

"That's right, you i won't. /i "

Edward took a deep breath and kissed the tips of her fingers, holding her hands to his lips as he thought. Could he really do it, if she wanted him to? And they had waited so long already, why shouldn't he just lock himself away until the wedding and wait it out. It was so hard for him, and he didn't know why it was this difficult. Lowering her hands from his lips just slightly, he looked to her again.

"If you want to wait, I can wait… I just don't want to do anything that you don't want to do," he said.

Of course he was looking to her to say that she needed him right that moment as much as he needed her. That would make it so much easier to make the decision set in front of him now. If she were to tell him to take her there, on the stairs, he had the feeling that he wouldn't have a hope of denying her that. He didn't want this to be all on him, especially when it was he who had for so long resisted her advances.

"You know I want you, Edward…" Bella whispered, leaning in close to him in case there was anyone near who could possibly hear their conversation. "And I trust you not to hurt me." She closed the distance between them, pressing her lips softly to his. Though his mouth was cold and hard, she had grown to know certain warmth from it – one that drew her in and held her to him.

He didn't pull back.

Instead, he cupped her face in his hands and drew her even nearer, kissing her deeply. Edward's hands slid from her face down her shoulders, brushing through her hand and slowly sliding down her arms. It was as though he were discovering her body for the first time; and in a sense, he was.

A chill ran down Bella's spine and she pulled herself closer to him, pressing harder to his body, groping for him. In a swift, effortless movement, she was up in Edward's arms and he was carrying her up the stairs and down the hall to his room. The bed he had put there for her was still there, and would be as long as she was there with him. It was a symbol of her humanity for both of them, of the fact that she was still susceptible to human fallings. Always gentle, Edward laid her down on the bed, his mouth having never left hers once since he picked her up. He crawled onto the bed next to her, brushing her hair away from her face and trailing his lips away from hers and down her neck. Bella's eyes closed and she let out a soft, content whimper.

Edward had never heard her make a sound like that and it caused his body to twitch a little. He'd been with women before, since his death, at least. The physiology of it was so drastically different than what he had known in life. His brain still fired signals from neuron to receptor and hormones still flooded his system – and on the most basic level, that was all it took. By all logic, his body shouldn't even have been able to commit this act – being little more than living stone. But for whatever reason the most primal of acts was still completely intact. Edward had never attempted to explain it to himself, and while he was almost certain Carlisle had his theories, he'd never worked up the courage to ask the man why it was so. At this moment, however, he was more than grateful that everything there still worked the way it was supposed to.

Edward was startled out of his thoughts when his mouth passed away from her jaw and over the pulse in her neck. He growled softly and pressed his lips harder to it, feeling his teeth against the inside of his lips, so incredibly close to her skin. He breathed in her scent, closing his eyes, taking all of her in one deep breath. Fortunately he had hunted the night before and the only urge in his body to take her came from a different source. Edward shifted and brought himself up onto his hands and knees next to her. He stared down at her: her closed eyes, dark lashes on pale cheeks, her hands at his waist. She looked perfect, angelic. She would never know how beautiful he thought she was; she could never fathom how strong his love for her was.

"Bella, love…" he whispered, trailing the back of his fingers along his cheek.

She looked up at him and smiled, "Yeah?"

"Are you sure you're ready for this?"

There was no hesitation before she nodded, sitting up and running her hands under his shirt. Edward chuckled at her enthusiasm and lifted his arms up for her. Bella wasted no time in tugging off Edward's shirt and throwing it to the side. Her eyes slowly wandered over his bare chest as she took in his form. His body was perfect, unmarred, like a statue. Biting her bottom lip, she gently ran her hands over his chest, his pale pink nipples. Edward just watched her in silent amusement.

"Your turn," he purred, reaching forward for her t-shirt.

Bella blushed and a smirk crossed Edward's face.

He slowly lifted her shirt off over her head, taking more time with her than she had with him. Inch-by-inch he uncovered her smooth stomach and then her white bra, before finally removing her shirt. He eased Bella back down so she was lying on the bed and reached down to unbutton and unzip her jeans, sliding from the bed for only a moment to remove the denim from her long legs. He touched her gently, running his cool fingertips along her calf, to the back of her knee, and over the soft curve of her thighs. He could feel his arousal stirring within him and had to think consciously about keeping his movement slow enough for her to enjoy as well. He could also feel the warmth radiating off of her. Edward brushed his hands over her stomach to her sides, and she shivered under him – a shaky breath escaping her lips. He couldn't help but chuckle a little.

"Just relax, Bella… I'll take care of you," he whispered.

Bella nodded but wasn't sure how to i make /i her body relax under his touch. Every little brush of his fingers sent a wave to chills across her body, raising up goosebumps on every bare inch of skin. Shakily, she sat up, reaching for his belt and unbuckled it, then slid it from the loops. She felt too exposed lying there in front of him like that and wanted to even the field a little bit. Edward clasped his hands over hers, stopping her as she reached to unbutton his trousers.

"I… ah, don't think that's such a good idea right now, actually," he said, pushing her hands away.

"Why not?" Bella asked, feeling a little slighted.

"I'm not exactly wearing anything under these," he said, motioning to his jeans.

"Oh," she murmured, turning red again.

Edward chuckled at her and pulled her into his arms, deftly popping open her bra from behind. Bella looked up at him with an accusing smirk.

"Should I be worried that you do that so easily… or that we're about to do this in front of a clear glass wall?" she asked, looking past him out the window where the sun was just starting to set.

Edward followed her gaze and looked over his shoulder out the window. Laughing softly, he turned back around and kissed her, smoothing her hair away from her face.

"Don't worry about it."

With that, he reached out and slid her bra down her thin arms. He stared at her, his eyes roaming over her pert tits and dark pink nipples. Slowly he reached forward, running his hands up her sides and cupping her breasts. Edward looked down into her eyes for a moment before dipping his head taking her left nipple between his cold lips.

Bella let out a whisper of a moan, her hands finding their way to his hair. Edward sucked gently at her breast, careful to keep his lips tucked around his teeth so he didn't accidentally scratch her. He wasn't sure if things could happen like that, but it was better to be safe than sorry. When she was keening and arching against him, purring at the way his tongue moved against her, he switched to the other. Bella only moaned louder. Pulling away, Edward pressed a finger to her lips, shushing her. It was bad enough that his family possessed incredibly acute hearing without having her amplify it. Not that he minded; he just didn't want her to be embarrassed by the rest of his family knowing what they were doing.

Slowly, Edward moved away from her, sliding down and off the bed. She watched him in silent curiosity as he ran his hands up her legs and hooked his fingers around her panties, then blushed as he drew them downwards and off her pale legs. He could taste her arousal in the back of his throat. It was sweet and musky and brought a low hungry growl from his chest. He licked his lips and swallowed hard, thinking that if his heart could still beat it would be beating out of his chest. Then very slowly, he lowered his head and pressed his lips first to the inside of her thigh and then the soft, wet, warm lips of her pussy.

He groaned and so did she as his tongue pressed between her slick folds. He tasted her, drank her in. He sucked and lapped and kissed and worshipped. If Edward had thought that the way Bella smelled was intoxicating, this was nothing less than enslaving.

Bella tried in vain to keep her legs from clamping around his head as she ground down against his mouth. The pleasure was blinding – far better than anything she had experienced with herself or anything she could have imagined this to be. She moaned and whimpered beneath his mouth, gripping his hair in her tight fists. He was unrelenting, she was in ecstasy.

Before she knew it, her body was tensing, writhing underneath him and she knew she was close to the edge. Bella gasped and tried to push the words out of her mouth to tell him to stop, but as soon as she opened her mouth a long low groan escaped instead. She bucked, sucking air in through her clenched teeth until the tension in her body released in ripples of pleasure.

Edward leaned up, his breathing slow and steady and completely normal though his lips were glistening wet. He cast a smug smirk up at her and pushed his hair away from his face before wiping off his mouth on the back of his hand. He moved again, kneeling on the bed and slowly unbuttoning and unzipping his jeans. He slid them down over his firm, smooth ass, his cock slapping him in the stomach as it was freed from the confinement. Bella's eyes slowly widened and she forced her gaze up to meet his. Edward chuckled – deep and a little bit midnight radio.

"Go on," he whispered, "it won't bite you…"

Bella blushed again and tentatively lifted her hand, her fingers outstretched towards him. She hesitated just an inch from him before brushing her fingers along the underside of his prick. Edward shuddered and let his eyes fall closed.

"It's okay; you're not going to hurt me. I'm indestructible, remember?"

Bella shakily sat and grazed her palm along his length, and then with a little more courage wrapped her hand around his cool hardness. She bit her bottom lip and looked up at him. Edward nodded encouragingly and lowered his hand, wrapping it around her and guiding her into long slow strokes. When she had set her own rhythm, he let his hand fall away and watched her as her stroked. He could hear her heart beating and feel the blood pumping through the veins in her hand and fingers. He smiled as she got more daring, brushing her thumb over the head – still incredibly sensitive after a hundred years.

Bella wanted to put her lips to it, and was leaning in to do so when she spotted the drop of dark, though nearly transparent liquid beaded at the top. It wasn't come – that was white – this was… practically black.

"Edward?" she asked nervously, "What's that?"

Edward gulped and pulled her hand away from his cock. "The venom," he answered.

"Oh…"

Without further explanation, Edward crawled off the bed, discarding his trousers in a heap with the rest of his discarded clothing and stuck his hand between the mattress and the box spring, withdrawing a small round piece of blue plastic. It took Bella a minute to realize what it was, until he popped open the case withdrew the condom inside. He glanced at her and gave her a reassuring smile,

"It'll keep you from getting infected. I'm keeping my end of the deal – you're not going to become one of us until after the wedding."

Bella just nodded as she watched him roll the condom on his prick and tug at the tip on the end. It was a strange sort of curiosity. He crawled back on the bed, his cock bobbing of it own accord as he moved. He cupped Bella's cheek in his hand and kissed her again, his hand trailing down between her breasts and over her stomach to her thighs. His hand rest there as he kissed her deeply. As he laid her back on the bed he let his hand slip away from her thigh and between her legs, trailing his finger up the wet slit of her pussy. Bella moaned into his mouth and curled her hips upwards towards his finger. Edward chuckled and broke the kiss, kneeling between her legs once more. As he started to guide himself into her, he glanced up, looking for any hesitation in her face. Bella just nodded and reached out to him, placing her hand on his waist and urging him on. As slowly as he could, Edward eased himself into her, stopping as he felt the first bit of resistance from her body.

Bella whimpered and squirmed against him, the feeling of slowly being filled sending her right back to the edge of another orgasm. She clung tightly to him, burying her face against his shoulder as he pushed past her resistance. Bella winced and bit her lip, but nodded for him to go on. His thrusts started slowly, shallowly, and it was clear that it took every ounce of strength in his body to keep from pounding into her like he wanted to. It was the greatest exercise of his self-control he'd had to exert; if he could make it through this, he could bathe in her without flinching.

He wanted to rip into her, the carnal desire welling up inside of him regardless of how he tried to push it back. He wet his lips, turning to press them against the pulse of her neck. Ironically, it grounded him, brought his senses back to him. Weeks of convincing himself the he could wait and would let her keep her innocence until she was only his… that had just flown out the window. Perhaps it was better, he reconciled, if he let her feel this now before the feeling was muted by death.

She moaned and squirmed beneath him, the initial pain of it quickly melting away in to pleasure. Edward was far gentler than she had expected him to be able to be. She held him tight to her, legs and arms wrapped around him as she rode on the edge of another orgasm. There was something incredible about the way his breath played on her neck and the feeling of his hard, cool body rocking against the heat of hers. He was trailing his tongue along her neck, tasking the sweat on her skin, growling against her flesh. She bucked up against him, urging him deeper, faster. But Edward's control over the situation had to be maintained.

Sliding his hand between their bodies, he pressed his fingers to her clit and rubbed in small circles in time with his thrusting. Bella's breath caught in her chest as she arched up off the bed, her body tensing. This time, however, the release was not so quick, and she continued to press up against his hand – rocking her hips. Edward thrust deep, apparently losing himself for a moment and Bella sucked in a short wince, but as she exhaled to whimper her body seized, shuddered, and jerked against him.

Edward slipped his arms around her, holding her close to him. She buried her face against his shoulder, trying to catch her breath. He ran his hands slowly through her hair, their bodies pressed together. She kissed him soft on the cheek, nuzzling against him, and Edward smiled in response.

"You okay?" he asked.

Bella just nodded.

"Good."

"What about you? I mean…" she muttered after a moment.

"I'm fine. Don't you worry about that; it was perfect."

She nodded again and snuggled against him as he rolled them onto their sides and pulled the blankets up around them.

"I love you," Bella murmured sleepily.

Edward laughed and brushed her hair away from her face. "I love you too, Bella."

"Why are you laughing at me?" she asked defensively. Well, as much so as she could manage with her heavily-laden eyes.

"You're the most fantastic, beautiful, unusual girl I've ever met," he chuckled.

"Oh, well… thanks, I think," she replied, pouting a bit, but rest her head against his shoulder anyway.

"Go to sleep, beautiful girl…" Edward said, petting her hair gently.

"Oka- wait!" Bella said, her eyes flying open as she remembered why she had come to the Cullen's in the first place. She'd gotten so swept up in Edward's drama that she'd completely forgotten.

"Yes?" He asked, still smirking at her.

"Charlie… wanted to know if you wanted to come over for dinner… I'll tell him you already ate."

"Only you could think of your father right after sex, Bella."

And with that, Edward got smacked in the face with a pillow.


End file.
